Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
