im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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