You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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