And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
