i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
