My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
ok first of all what the fuck
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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