This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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