It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize