just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
