We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm at about main and main street
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
