The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
is wine microwaveable?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize