You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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