An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
