Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize