Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
