I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
