I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
