She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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