i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
