you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That accounts for only three of the penises
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
