Yo dont text me then not text me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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