covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
