Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
