i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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