I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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