The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
