i just wanna soil my oats bro
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
