Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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