I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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