i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
