thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
