I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
