What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
