I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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