i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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