Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
