haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
NoShamevember. You game?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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