that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
