I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
