Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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