Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
