I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize