The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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