you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
