I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i wish my penis had a tongue
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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