Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
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