i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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