just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The feeling are messing with the penis
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize