I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
