i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
