Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
