awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
