you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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