I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
