Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Where is the hickey?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
