a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
