high people should be assigned attendants
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
