The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
