you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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