and my herpes radar will keep us safe
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
