found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize