Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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