the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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