Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
