Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
