she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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