i need an iv and a liver transplant
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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