Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
