There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
