he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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