So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
