would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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