For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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