I just saw a hot homeless man
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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