he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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